Quick Start Field Guide
Emotional Trauma Survival Groups

Version 3.8
www.EmotionalTraumaSurvival.com

Rights

This material may be freely reproduced and distributed, but not for sale. The intellectual property rights are reserved for the copyright holder and this material may not be altered or changed without prior express written consent.

Copyright © 2014 Scott Raymond

To Download Print or eBook Copies

      Go to: www.EmotionalTraumaSurvival.com/Downloads

To Print Pocket-Sized Booklets

Download file: Quick Start Booklet.pdf

Pages arranged to print side by side, fold, and staple

Take the downloaded file to a printer, like FedEx Office/Kinkos, and specify:

Light colored card stock for the cover

Booklets 3.5” x 6.5” with staples

Number of booklets; each participant should get a booklet

Pay for setup and printing

REMEMBER
You may be in great pain or you may be numb
But you are not alone
You are not at fault for what was done to you
You are worthwhile and valuable
Your future can include freedom and joy

This booklet contains the essentials to start, facilitate, and participate in Emotional Trauma Survival Groups

Our Vision

Mutual support for trauma victims, addicts and alcoholics in peer based, volunteer support groups sharing similar emotional trauma but seeking freedom and joy

Recovery and restoration through authentic, healthy relationships

You choose how to run your own groups

Suggestions for Roles

Facilitator

Draws the best out of others without controlling meetings

Is not the focal point, and allows others to initiate and lead discussions, but is ready to redirect if the meeting wanders off track

Is also a participant, tells own personal story, and accepts feedback and guidance from other participants

Keeps environment safe for participants; intolerance and condemnation are not allowed

Gives everyone a chance to tell their story. We may need to tell our same story many times, over and over

Is flexible when needs disrupt an agenda

Redirects when boundaries are crossed, or when there is deflection and denial by participants that should be challenged

Emphasizes progress made together and hope for the future, if the group begins to slide into shared misery

Reinforces vision and meeting guidelines

Participant

Shares responsibilities with facilitator, which is essential for long term success

Takes Responsibility for Own Self

Tells own personal story. The more we tell our story the less power it has over us

Is willing to consider suggestions and feedback from other participants

Is willing to risk being triggered. In a safe environment these moments may be an opportunity for healing, to rework our subconscious reactions and feelings

Is unafraid to say no, I’m not ready to reveal that, or I’m not ready to answer that question. We heal at our own pace

Laughs at own self and own odd behaviors

Relates Well to Other Participants

Doesn’t take on others’ emotional burdens

Doesn’t preach or try to fix others

Gently asks probing questions. We easily see in others what we reflexively deny and are blind to in ourselves

How does that make you feel?

What I heard was . . . Is that accurate?

How's that working for you?

Is it possible that . . . ?

My experience is . . . Does this fit your experience and understanding?

Reinforces that we are not at fault for the trauma we experienced, that we are all worthwhile and have value

How to Start a Group

Gather a core group of at least four or five who share the vision

Decide what emotional trauma, or related traumas, will be the focus of the group

Remember that many alcoholics and addicts also have emotional trauma

Establish the purpose of the group

Stage One - PRESENT - Practice healthy coping strategies and relationships

Stage Two - PAST - Work on trauma and journey together toward recovery

Stage Three - FUTURE - Reconnect the marginalized with society

WHO: Meetings only for survivors of emotional trauma? Open or by invitation? Females or males only, or mixed gender? Allow perpetrators to participate?

WHEN: How often will the group meet and when? Plan to meet at least weekly as less often will lose momentum. Will there be an ending date for meetings, or will they continue indefinitely?

WHERE: At churches, public buildings, libraries, recreation centers? Consider accessibility

Have participants sign a legal release of liability, and agreement follow guidelines? What to do if guidelines or boundaries are breached?

What to do in case of emergency?

How will you advertise open groups? Will you notify therapists about your group?

Possible Meeting Activities

Meal or snack before or after the meeting; as an opportunity to build relationships

Participants check in: How am I physically, emotionally, spiritually? Answer questions to clarify what I say

Participants tell their stories

What happened to me?

How did I react?

What have I been doing to recover?

How is that working for me?

A reading or lecture topic about recovery

Discuss relational skills, possibly from:
      www.RelationalMatrix.com

Many trauma victims self medicate their emotional pain. Include content and open discussion about addiction and alcoholism

Open discussion

Advice about Sharing

When you find freedom from shame you may want to tell everyone your story – be careful.

With your Recovery Team (Therapist and Emotional Trauma Survival Group) be as honest and open as you feel safe. Our secrets imprison us

With family or supporters – share fewer details, be honest but don’t do them harm

With acquaintances – share no details, and be sure you have a compelling purpose before sharing anything

With others, including at your workplace: it might be best not to share

Guidelines to Consider

Not professionally lead. Volunteer and peer based. Mutual support where participants have similar emotional trauma

Doesn’t replace counseling or therapy

Participants over eighteen years of age

Sobriety and abstinence during meetings; otherwise very little is accomplished

Confidentiality within legal limits; except:

Threats of suicide or homicide

Ongoing abuse of a minor/the elderly

Plan to commit a felony

No condemnation. Don’t preach or try to fix others. Describe your own situation, feelings, actions, successes and failures

Respect personal space and boundaries

One conversation at a time

Avoid divisive topics like politics

Limit graphic descriptions

Allow participants to delay sharing their stories until they feel safe

Allow participants to come and go as needed because of intense feelings

Anonymity: don’t disclose who attends or what is said without permission

No sermonizing – God may have an important role in our stories but the main focus should be our experiences, our needs, our feelings, and our recovery

Laugh with each other at our absurd behaviors. Humor can be healing

Risks and Challenges

Group descending into shared misery, possibly as a result of being triggered by troubling stories

Inconsistent participation due to shame or fear; regular participation benefits the group as well as individuals

Only working on issues during meetings; no therapy or other work, resulting in limited progress

If we have unachievable goals, like to recover as if trauma had never happened

Domination of a group by an individual

Re-traumatizing participants

Stealing the meeting agenda, such as for the purpose of evangelizing

Emergency room visits for extreme anxiety from flashbacks or stirred up emotions

Signs that traumatic emotions may have been triggered

Abruptly leaving the meeting

Emotional withdrawal

Defensive body language

Dry mouth, intestinal discomfort

Rapid blinking indicating mental reset

Halting speech and overly careful choice of words

Holding our breath

Distraction, or constantly looking away

Agitation

Anger or resentment transferred to the questioner

Increased cravings

Addictive thinking and behaviors

Key Terms

Guilt: knowing you have done something wrong by personal or social standards

Shame: believing you are a bad or unworthy person as shown by your disgraceful behavior

Vulnerability: sharing painful feelings or personal experiences. This feels like weakness but can invite relationships

Boundaries: distinguishing between what you are responsible for (who you are) and what others are responsible for (who they are)

Transactional Relationships: doing things for others with the expectation of obligation or repayment

Authentic Relationships: giving and receiving selflessly out of concern for another’s welfare and joy, while respecting boundaries

Addictive behaviors: self medicating emotional pain with drugs, alcohol, or obsessive behaviors

Addiction: our drug, our genetics, and stress interact to change our brain chemistry. Subconsciously we feel that we need the drug to survive and we lose the ability to choose whether to “use”

Freedom: ability to choose our words and actions instead of just reacting reflexively to circumstances

Joy: deep and lasting happiness from healthy, authentic relationships

Recovery Tasks

To choose growth and life over stagnation and death

By awareness that our reactions to past emotional trauma cause chaos in our lives today

By acknowledging that we cannot recover by ourselves; we need the guidance and help of wisdom and experience greater than our own

To relieve burdens of secrecy and shame

By telling our personal stories in a safe place, as often as necessary, without being condemned

By learning to laugh at our selves

To experience belonging

By realizing we are not alone

By accepting that recovery is not an event, but a process which takes time

By regular participation in recovery or support groups

To escape false beliefs and reflexive behaviors

By working through devastating and overwhelming feelings

By planning a positive response to emotional triggers and being willing to reach out for help from our recovery group

By choosing how to act rather than just responding reflexively to circumstances

To retrain misguided parts of the brain

By questioning our first thought which may be reflexive and wrong

By decoupling false associations

By practicing healthy behaviors

To be authentic

By recognizing, building, and defending appropriate boundaries

By speaking and acting as we really are, not pretending or hiding our true selves

By escaping shame from an unchangeable past and fear of an unpredictable future

By learning to live in the present moment

To learn to trust appropriately

By distinguishing people who are safe from those who are toxic to us

By active listening, paraphrasing what we heard to confirm our understanding

By accepting the inherent risk of relationships and emotional intimacy

To manage adversity, conflict and disappointment

By developing robust relational skills

By learning from our mistakes and failures

By giving up trying to be perfect

To be free of resentment

By forgiving those who wronged us

By forgiving those who failed to protect us from emotional trauma

To be free of self condemnation

By accepting that our past is the best it can ever be

By forgiving ourselves for mistakes, imperfections, and poor choices

To work effectively with others

By understanding our personal strengths and limitations

By pursuing important goals as part of a team

By laughing with each other at our own absurd behaviors and situations

To avoid addictive substances and behaviors

By being thankful for sobriety one day at a time

By seeking support in stressful situations

By taking personal responsibility for our own care and recovery

By planning a response to relapse triggers, not waiting until they happen

End Notes

Recovery is too often separated into silos: addiction, trauma, mental illness. This material addresses crossover between addiction and emotional trauma but we recommend professional referrals for individuals with mental illness.

Most addicts have emotional trauma. Most trauma victims self medicate their emotional pain with addictive behaviors.

The work of recovery cannot be done alone. We can prepare our minds with solitary activities like reading or journaling, but restoration of our hearts depends on healthy relationships – within our recovery team and ultimately with other people.

Herein are suggestions how to conduct effective recovery/support groups based on what actually works. Not a 12-step program but with similarities. We focus explicitly on healing through authentic relationships.

We need wisdom and guidance

We are not alone, we are not freaks

We need to tell our stories, safely

Together we seek freedom and joy

Over time we plan to provide additional support and reference materials at:
      www.EmotionalTraumaSurvival.com
      and www.RelationalMatrix.com

Nobody can recover for us. Emotional Trauma Survival Groups are among possible restoration activities, but should not be all we do.

Disclaimer

Emotional Traumas Survival Groups are volunteer, peer based support groups.

Recovery from emotional trauma is serious business. Use this material at your own risk

Beatings, emotional domination, rape, incest, childhood sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, and severe neglect are among the many traumas that can stunt our social and emotional development as children, shred our dignity and confidence as adults, and tear us away from the communities that might otherwise help us heal.

Recovery from emotional trauma can be extremely painful, negatively affecting our health and wellbeing. If you have suffered severe emotional trauma, you should seek professional assistance from a licensed therapist, a psychologist, or a psychiatrist. Healthy relationships in Emotional Trauma Survival Groups can greatly benefit your recovery, but the path to restoration has risks.

Your physical, emotional, and psychological safety is your own personal responsibility. By using the material in this Quick Start Field Guide for Emotional Trauma Survival Groups or by participating in groups or other settings in which this material is used, you agree that you are responsible for all risks resulting from your participation, and you agree that you will stop and seek assistance if you do not believe you can safely continue to participate.

“Laughter is the best medicine to cure a wounded heart” Anonymous

Table of Contents

Beginning

Rights

To Download Print or eBook Copies

To Print Pocket-Sized Booklets

Our Vision

Position Responsibilities

Facilitator

Participant

Start a Group

Possible Meeting Activities

Suggested Levels of Sharing

Important Meeting Guidelines

Meeting Recommendations

Risks and Challenges

Key Terms

Recovery Tasks

End Notes

Disclaimer